My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
