woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
