just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
