I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
