Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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