Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
