so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You can't just leave with hair like that
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
