I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
