How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
