i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
