2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
