well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
