WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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