He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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