I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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