I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
