im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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