Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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