On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
