He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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