First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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