Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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