Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
