I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
