we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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