you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my liver is dry heaving
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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