I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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