to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
