Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
