guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
