my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
