Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
