I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
how does that bad decision feel?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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