I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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