I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
