Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All the doctor said was why
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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