Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
