What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
