I just made out with a guy for $7.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
