why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
