This house was built for laser tag.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
