i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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