My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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