It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
