I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
