I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
