my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
