my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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