went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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