it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
