Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
