shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
