well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
